#so scary. such terrifying thing to happen.
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so, this is absolutely an understandable sentiment! climate change is real and very scary; it causes me immense anxiety
however. what scientists call "environmental amnesia" goes both ways
the song White Christmas includes an intro most versions leave out, revealing that the singer isn't missing white Christmases because they don't happen anymore- he's missing them because he lives in Beverly Hills
additionally, white Christmases are historically pretty rare in many places where they're theoretically possible. it requires a perfect combination of factors to have snow on the ground or falling on Christmas day (Boston, where I live, actually had a white Christmas this year! but looking at records as far back as the 1890s, it was still definitely not a guarantee- days in the 50s Fahrenheit weren't terribly rare back then, in December)
on top of that those massive snowdrifts were photographed because they were rare. if they'd been an everyday sight, nobody would have had cause to take pictures of them
this is a Christmas parade around the mid-20th century here in Boston. no snow. I found more snowless vintage Christmas photos in Boston than snowy ones, in fact
like I said, I'm the furthest thing from a climate change denier. it's real, it's terrifying, and it's getting worse. the lack of snow we've had here the past few years causes me massive anxiety. but if it helps calm anyone even a little bit, so they can live their lives, to know that northern-hemisphere Decembers of the past were not winter wonderlands across the board
The lyrics "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know" hit differently in the age of climate change
#climate change#environment#I tell people that New Year's Day 1872 was 70 degrees here and their mouths hang open#obviously flukes of the past don't mean this destruction isn't happening!#but it's very easy to assume every season was its platonic ideal in the past and that's just. not so.
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sibling!reader dealing with demon!dean headcanons (req.) ── ✮⋆˙
Pairing: None, just platonic Winchester!Reader (fem) and her brothers Genre: Angst, fluff To note/warnings: Hurt/comfort, grief (temporary character death, as in Sam and Reader think Dean died), canon level violence A/N: A great way to start the year is definitely getting a cool request by @midnight--raine! Tysm, dear, your praise means a lot to me <3 and I 100% agree, Demon!Dean is terrifying. Still my favorite arc ever, because I’m a sucker for the nitty, gritty, dark and scary, but yes. Credit & links: dividers ──〃★ request here
Sam’s heart breaks twice that day. For one, there is the crushing grief that comes with watching the life disappear from his brother’s eyes. Then the realization: How could he possibly tell his sister what happened? Dean’s death is tearing him apart, and he knows it will absolutely destroy her.
There’s no easy way to deliver the news. But, alas, he’s spending a good amount of time sitting alone in the Impala, Dean’s lifeless body in the backseat. The ride back to the bunker was the hardest ever, the silence nearly driving him insane. Sam is thinking back and forth on what to say, what to do.
He knows waltzing in, carrying the corpse is not an option. If anything, Sam doesn’t want her to see Dean like that at all. Though he figures she’ll probably want to see for herself.
She probably already knows something bad happened the second Sam enters the bunker. Of course she does, her brothers have trained her to stay alert 24/7, to look at her surroundings with a keen eye — Dean would be so proud of her people reading skill right now. Sam’s by himself and his expression… he’s devastated, though he tries to keep it together for her sake. It can only mean one thing.
It feels wrong right away. She can tell. It’s obvious when he doesn’t answer her questions. “Where’s Dean?” Silence. It speaks volumes. “It’s not funny, this is a dumb prank.” Sam still can’t bring himself to speak up.
She runs past him, straight outside to look for Dean, even when Sam tries to stop her.
Sam’s glad he thought of draping a jacket over Dean’s body before talking to his sister. She shouldn’t have to see her brother so lifeless, after all. This view alone, even just through the car window, is enough to traumatize her.
What happened isn’t his fault, but Sam still apologizes over and over again. He can just stand there and feel guilty while he’s holding her shaky form.
It’s not their first rodeo with death and while it doesn’t make it any less sad, her tears convince Sam even more that he has to fix this, somehow.
That night she can’t sleep. Nothing can console her, not even Sam. Though she is grateful to have him at her side.
It’s the same for Sam, honestly. With both of them restless, they dig through the library, they try to find anything to bring Dean back.
In the end, she’ll probably fall asleep right at the desk, her eyes heavy and sore from crying and reading. It’s not a peaceful slumber by all means, it’s more like her brain and body just shut down.
Sam carries her to her room, but the second he tucks her into bed and wants to leave again, she wakes and sobs again.
She’s terrified to spend the night alone, nightmares haunting her. If it were for her, she’d be up and in the library again, but Sam manages to make her agree to a compromise: She will try and get some rest and he will stay with her.
None of them get another wink of sleep that night, she’s staining Sam’s shirt with tears while he’s busy brushing his fingers through her hair.
The next couple of days are rough. The bunker feels like a graveyard, Dean’s presence is definitely missing.
She finds herself wanting to prank her brother like every morning — she’d always exchange his shampoo bottle with the ketchup bottle, shed secretly put a Celine Dion cassette in the Impala. Now, there’s no point for any of that.
Instinctively she grabs onto any piece of Dean she still has. She takes one of his shirts to wear, his scent still lingering in the fabric. She doesn’t touch the piece of pie in the fridge, which she’d usually steal, but she wants to keep it there, preserve it, just in case Dean will magically return.
When Dean’s body disappears, it’s like losing him all over again at first. He’s suddenly gone, again, and panic sets in. And it feels even more permanent. However, it’s also a glimmer of hope, right? He has to be somewhere, so is he alive after all?
Sam’s more reluctant to get his hopes up high. He’s dealt with heavy losses before. Seeing his sister motivated to find Dean is a double-edged sword. It’s the first time since Dean’s death that he sees her eyes sparkle again. But he’s also scared she’ll break down even more when this turns out to be another tragedy.
It’s because of that very reason that Sam’s working on this without telling his sister. He hates keeping secrets from her, he hates lying to her, but he can’t bring himself to feed into her delusions only for her to end up even more hurt. So, when he’s able to track Dean down, he’s not telling anyone.
It bites him in the ass. While Sam’s out trying to find Dean, Dean’s already on the way to find her.
She looks like she’s seen a ghost, honestly. Wide eyes staring at him and filled with tears. Suddenly all her hunting skills are out the window. She doesn’t care to throw holy water at him, she doesn’t think of nicking him with silver. Demons, skinwalkers, none of it exists to her in that moment. All she can think about is her big brother being back.
She jumps right into his arms, scolding him, whining and sniffling and hugging him with a death grip.
Dean’s quiet, eerily so, but that’s not enough to make her suspect anything just yet. Maybe he’s tired, maybe she’s confused, it’s so much all at once. She refuses to let go of him, afraid he’ll slip away again, so she drags him to the kitchen and happily presents the piece of pie to him.
Dean doesn’t even touch it. Hell, he’s not even looking at it.
She quickly texts Sam, letting him know Dean’s back at the bunker. Then, when she looks up from her phone again and sees Dean not eating, she’s starting to get doubtful.
Dean not digging into pie? Is he sick or something? “You okay?”
There’s a grin on Dean’s lips that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and it feels off. It feels dangerous. “Never felt better.”
The wheels are turning in her head and her blood runs cold. She didn’t do any of the routine checks. Why didn’t she do any of the routine checks? Sam and Dean have taught her better, but she was so caught up in the moment and…
Her phone buzzes and Sam’s reply is simple. ‘That is not Dean.’ Her eyes widen. ‘Demon. Get away.’
The three or four seconds she spent looking at her phone are what almost gets her killed. It’s plenty of time for Dean to grab the kitchen knife and aim it at his sister instead of the pie.
She manages to dodge, somehow, although Dean makes it sound like he just enjoys playing with his prey. As his eyes turn jet-black, she knows she’s in trouble.
“I’ll give you a headstart, sis,” he hums and even his voice sounds so twisted, so wrong.
“Headstart?,” she echoes. “Dean, please, you don’t wanna—”
“Ten… Nine…”
He absolutely wants to. Sam’s right, this isn’t Dean. Not their Dean.
She bolts out of the kitchen as fast as she can. The bunker is big, but the problem remains that they all know it inside and out — where can she possibly hide? Should she lock herself in the dungeon? Should she ditch the place altogether?
“Six… Five…”
Panicked, she just makes a run for it, not knowing where to quite yet, but knowing it had to be away. As far away as possible. She scrambles to find a weapon, anything to fend off a demon, though she hates the thought of fighting against Dean. Not only would she not stand a chance against her brother, she could never bring herself to harming him or his vessel.
“Ready or not here I come.”
She’s definitely not ready. He could’ve given her a minute, an hour, a freakin’ year, nothing could prepare her for such a chase.
Stupidly, she decides to hide in Dean’s room. It’s far from the safest option, but it’s where her feet have carried her. She can’t really think of any room in the bunker that could protect her from the demonic version of her brother, but here at least, she’s surrounded by happy memories, right?
She’s holding her breath, clutching Ruby’s knife in her trembling hand.
It’s only through a trick that she’s able to survive. Of course, Dean finds her, but she’s fast and able to (a) distract him long enough to make preparations and (b) then lure him to the dungeons.
Dean’s not dumb, he knows there’s a devil’s trap. But he didn’t know there were two of them. She’s haphazardly drawn one he didn’t see until he is standing in it.
Bless all the times she has cursed in the past. She has complained to Sam so often whenever he had forced her to practice drawing pentagrams. She’ll make sure to thank him for it later.
Speaking of the devil, Sam returns just a bit later. He must’ve broken several traffic laws racing back to the bunker, but between that and his sister’s safety, she obviously came first.
He thought she’d be pissed at him for lying to her, but she has a priority too right now: Turning Dean into a human again.
It’s definitely not an easy task. More specifically, it’s downright nauseating to witness the purification process. Dean’s clearly suffering, the pain must be agonizing, but they are able to heal him.
Dean’s back, and he’s human again and it’s all she could’ve ever asked for.
Now, for Dean? Shit, he won’t be able to look into the mirror for a very long time. He always sees himself as the family’s protector. His siblings are his world and to think he attacked his baby sister? It’s killing him.
He feels so guilty he’s not able to look her in the eyes, let alone talk to her or touch her.
Which is why when she hugs him, clinging to his form sobbing, he thinks he doesn’t deserve that kind of trust. His greatest fear is that she’s now scared of him. She’d have every right to be, he attacked her with a damn knife.
“It wasn’t you. It was your body, but not your mind. I mean, that thing comes up with all sorts of dumb things, but not that kind of dumb.”
He can’t help but chuckle at that, of course she’s already back to sibling banter. How she manages to pretend like nothing happened is beyond him.
The events stick with him for a very long time, they never fully disappear from his conscience. He wishes he could wipe the memory of your panicked eyes from his brain, but that image will still haunt him in his grave.
Something has changed though. His shampoo is shampoo and his cassettes are his cassettes. There’s always pie in the fridge and she’s not playing any pranks on him anymore.
It makes him feel even worse. Especially when she explains to him that she’d rather be nice to her pain-in-the-ass brother and have him alive than be mean and have him dead.
“You know one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other, right?”
It almost sounds like she’s blaming herself. As if Dean’s death was her punishment for bickering 24/7. It’s not right, if anyone should be feeling guilty, it’s him. And he does. God, he does.
It’s very obvious that she’s more afraid of losing him again than she is of the monster he’s become.
He’s set out on playing double the amount of pranks on her then, in hopes of getting some normalcy back. Of reminding his little sister that he’s still here, he’ll always be there. He’ll always be her pain-in-the-ass brother that’ll look out for her and keep her safe and play pranks on her.
When one morning he finds his toothbrush in a jar of pickles, bristles soaked in the vinegar-y liquid, it’s a small victory. Her post-it note with a smug smiley drawn on it is a step in the right direction.
Dean Winchester Taglist (Put a green heart 💚 in the comments to be added to the Dean x Reader taglist): @ladysparkles78 @ariasong11 @winchester-whiskey @whormotional @spacecowgirl126
@zepskies @calibootsgirl @hot-and-confused @spookyfunhottub @berryblues46
@midnight--raine @emmy21842 @whichwitchwanda @foxyjwls007 @lyarr24
@whump-loverz @cassieriddle713 @ilovedeanwinchester4
Sam Winchester Taglist (Put a book emoji 📚 in the comments to be added to the Sam x Reader taglist): @s7nburn @whump-loverz
Please note: Ageless blogs will only be tagged in fluff and angst posts!
#dean winchester x reader#sam winchester x reader#supernatural x reader#demon!dean x reader#dean winchester x sister!reader#sam winchester x sister!reader#sibling!reader#sister!reader#supernatural headcanon#spnhc#angst#spn angst#dean angst#sam angst#dean hc#sam hc#chevroletdean writes
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I have many fears.
but currently, one of my greatest fears is having the most wonderful and sweet dreams of being lovey dovey with sans...
and forgetting it upon waking up.
#simping o' clock#drowzy speaks#yep#every dream about him is like jewels to me#i need to collect them#preserve them in a nice and comfy box#or i risk losing them forever#does anyone understand-#having the best time with ur beloved but then waking up without even knowing you had them???#how horrific is that-#such rare and valuable experience...GONE.#like it never happened.#quaking in my boots#my blood is now liquid nitrogen /j#so scary. such terrifying thing to happen.#tbh idec if it's just sitting with him in silence#i really do not care how simple it is.#just existing next to him is good enough for me ;-;#friends? no romantic interaction?#IDC LEMME BE WITH HIM ARUGHHHHH......
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Crazy issues that come up when a character is written a little too well
#yay story time comic nobody asked for#funnily enough i will NEVER play undertale on the computer because of this#my first exposure to undertale was jacksepticeye and i am glad i didn't opt to play the game myself at the time#flowey closing the game and then the broken start up cutscene was bad enough just WATCHING it#and i STILL have to watch that chara thing at the end with a far distance from my screen and the volume down#not because of the scary face but because of the violin noise that sounds like its a repeating tone rather than a loop#and then of course the window hopping around#am also very glad i was spoiled about the spamton mercy win before i tried it myself#am slightly worried about future deltarune chapters but at least now i'm anticipating it#anyway remember when i tagged that one post ''i'm scared of computers and it's a monkey's fault''#now you know :3#i really wanted this done on thursday#and apparently dawn's brain says friday doesn't happen until after i fall asleep#so now i am awake and it is 4:30 and i hear birds chirping so nighty night#((or good morning))#yay comic :D i was right this did help a lot with getting some program familiarity#it's not the greatest paneling in the world but it's good for now#idk if i should really tag him or not#but uh#spamton#deltarune#spamton enjoyers i am so sorry#i am terrified of him only because he does his job in the story very well
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real talk I never wanted kids before and now I kinda want maybe one but I'm. the gross stuff sounds so scareyyy. how do you deal w the loss of control over your body?? Not even saying I have any kind of control right now, I'm not even a fitness girl or anything, body's a body, but do you know what I mean? I'm scared if I get pregnant it will freak me out so bad
well what you said is actually the answer: when do we ever have control lol?
in preparing to have a kid i got decently in shape, ate very well and exercised consistently for several months, and knowing i was doing it with the intention of getting pregnant felt good. like building a mighty forge. then pregnancy hits and.. yeah that physical "control" does go out the window....lmao
the thing that can be freaky is just the SPEED at which your body changes. you can almost watch it in real time, i look and feel totally different week to week. initially this unnerved me cuz it's like,, ok if this were any other situation, these changes would not be normal. but they are normal. so the word that i keep circulating when the changes freak me out is "evidence." it's all just evidence that there's a little dude in there, and that's a good thing.
and it being a good thing is what it boils down to for me. I'm only having an ok time because 1) i am, compared to so many others, having a smooth pregnancy. that's never a guarantee. and 2) I'm confident this baby is coming into a healthy environment where she is extremely wanted. the determination of "i want this kid" makes the physical weirdness bearable.
#i never ever ever want to come off like 'I'm having such a great time and surely other people would too if they'd just beliiieeeve'#i was freaked out too before it actually happened#i was terrified it would be a nine month migraine because sometimes it fucking is!!!! i literally just lucked out#so i don't know if it's even ethical for me to be giving advice.. but maybe this perspective helps a little? idk lol#i also don't always see it as loss of control vs. a diagnosable physical process#every weird thing to happen has a name and it's pregnancy. no nameless scary mystery symptoms it's all like yup just pregnant.#m2a#m2answers#pregnancy
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I’m taking the singular like on my prev post as a ye! So enjoy. And cry please
Tw for swearing, sort of talk of suicide but not really, and talk of sodas rodeo accident which I have dramaticified for the purpose of I wanted to. Read the tags.
…
Sitting in the truck on the way home, Ponyboy asks: “You’re real sad, ain’t you, Soda?”
And Soda, he smiles a broken smile and nods a little.
“Why’d I have to get hurt? Darry, why can’t I just ride?” His face slips from its half-smile.
“Life just happens sometimes.” Darry replies. And he should know.
“It’s what I dream ‘bout.” Soda says in an almost-whisper. “Every night, I dream about gettin’ hurt.”
“Thanks for tellin’ us.” Darry says.
“I usually wake up when that fucking horse steps on me. Then when I wake up my leg hurts. Or. Where it used to be. Feels like it’s there.” Soda’s crying so hard his head hurts now. “Stupid fucking leg.”
Darry thinks twice about correcting Soda for swearing. He supposes the situation calls for it.
“You need to find something you like doing.” Pony says. Darry his shoulder and shushes him.
“Nothing’ll ever feel as good.” Soda says.
“I don’t understand.” Pony insists. Darry tries to quiet him, but Soda tells him it’s fine. “I don’t get it why you get to be so sad. It’s been two years and everything. It’s not like you don’t have another choice for the rest of your life. All you’ve got to do is find somethin’ else.”
“Well, damn, Pony. If that’s how things work you oughtta get on with findin’ a new Johnny. I hear there’s a soc boy named Jack movin’ in. That’s close enough to Johnny, ain’t it-“
“Shut up!” Pony yells, hands over his ears.
“Soda!” Darry scolds at the same time.
“What?” He asks. “I’m only telling him the same he’s telling me-“
“It’s different and you know it. His best friend died.”
“I wish I would have!” Soda screams.
Darry slams on the breaks in the middle of the road.
“You say that again-“
“I wish I would have died.” Soda deadpans, staring Darry in the eyes.
“I’m not gonna stop your partners from comin’ over. Already told them it’s alright. But you ain’t going anywhere but work until further notice, cause I don’t think I can trust you out.”
“I ain’t gonna kill myself-“
“Until you find something else to try, you ain’t leavin’ the house aside from work. And after tonight you ain’t seeing Chet or Cherry until then either.”
“Dar-“
“Pony ain’t gonna talk for a week over this. Least you can do is take his damn advice, you hear?”
“Sorry, Darry.” Soda mumbles, tears threatening to break yet again.
#This is just a tiny piece of a work in progress of mine.#Soda curtis#its mainly centered around soda#And it has#chetcherrycola#which is cute#but this part in particular is tragic#I’m thinking too much abt soda and his rodeo accident#Lol#I also am here to tell you that rodeo is terrifying and a lot of scary things can happen.#I have seen people get hurt really really bad#People have died in rodeo accidents like holy shit#Ever heard of lane frost? No you haven’t. Go watch eight seconds it’s a good movie and it’s about him#So just so you know In this particular write sodas injury required an amputation WHICH is not unrealistic. I’ve grown up around horses#I’ve seen what they can do#And I’m telling you to trust me here that they can do that.#So yeah sodas got this ugly ass prosthetic (have you seen what they looked like back then? It’s interesting and really cool actually!)#And you’re not gonna come after me telling me this isn’t possible because I know it is#THE AUTHOR IS A RODEO KID#THE AUTHOR IS A FARM KID#IVE BEEN AROUND THIS STUFF MY WHOLE LIFE AND IM TELLING YOU#LISTEN TO ME DAMN IT YOU FRICKEN CITY KIDS#jk I love you but seriously#I know what’s up
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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really really need to get back on mood stabilizers
#im rly such a mess mentally and its so annoying bc things are constantly like#going wrong but in a way that kinda works out so i should be fine but im not fbdnsjs#like terrified abt my dogs state for weeks -> finding out shes rly quite sick but theres treatment and shes doing better rn#scary fucked up horrible experience at work -> nothing physically bad happened to ME i handled it as well as anyone could#going to dublin to see chappell and injuring my foot at the concert -> b's a sweetheart so it was fine and my leg is pretty much ok now#but its just. so stressful and im already having panic attacks daily#plus i have stress dreams every night for the past 4 weeks and wake up terrified its so annoying#i just wanna relax#everyone please keep your fingers crossed that i get put on mood stabilizers at the end of this month and my mental health improves
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My druid has "fuckboy" written all over her
#speculation nation#shes a druid but she does Not look it. nor does she act like it really.#druid stuff exists to beef myself up as a front liner (spores druid ftw)#and to act as an excuse like 'whaaaat why r u so suspicious of me im a druid 🥺🥺🥺 i just want what's best for nature 🥺🥺🥺'#meanwhile here i am hogging ALL the worms we manage to find (or. well. most of them.)#bc im going full ham into my powers lol theyre so useful#this is a game of pressing Every button and seeing what happens. yet still going along the lines of good? approximately?#it very much does feel like the kind of thing a druid drow would do. willing to consort with the darkness#but still ultimately striving for peace and order.#i am just perhaps a little bug-brained to accomplish this :3#ive been playing a Lot of bg3. progressing well through act 2. everything is so very scary and i am just 1 druid 🥺#(i say as if i havent killed literally every single enemy ive come across. im so fucking good at this game.)#the house of healing was by far my least favorite part (so far). that boss battle was TERRIBLE but i managed to get through it.#according to my friends they just talked their way out of it. not me tho. i saw that guy strapped to the table and i was just like#'GET FUCKED BRO' *casts moonbeam* *proceeds to get the shit stabbed outta me*#holy shit he did so much damage. and he was focused ONLY ON ME.......#took me and shadowheart both healing to keep up with the damage he was doing (while astarion and karlach did most of the attacking)#but i did it! hes gone! but holy shit poking around his stuff has been so. eugh.#im in the towers now. so scary. just barely started them tho. gonna look for the prisoners and then proceed from there.#that ketheric dude is fucking terrifying. so big scared about him. but All Men Die The Same 😈#.....well maybe not exactly the same given his 'immortality' thing 😂 but i'll figure it out.#anyways yea check out taltana im going for a mixed feminine and masculine kinda vibes with her. and enjoying it very much.#bg3 spoilers/
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number one horror game experience is running for your life in fear and then getting somewhere and going "okay, I'm safe here" and then a monster steps into view instantly.
#watching sgs play re village#and running into the courtyard singing 'im alliveeee and she's not heree'#and then immediately lady d is coming up the stairs 'yes she is'#the same thing happened to me playing the re2 remake#i was in the main lobby of the pd after running from mr x for forever and I was like#saying to my sister 'it's okay he cant get me here this is a safe room' saving at the typewriter#and then i get out of the menu and see him fucking stomping down the main stairs just on the edge of my vision#NOT A SAFE ROOM NOT A SAFE ROOM#it's terrifying and funny every time#anyway. idk almost anything about re village so im excited#i played about 2 hours of it and got to the castle and the first daughter turned to bugs#and i was trapped in a hallway and used all my ammo on not hurting her because i couldnt find the way out#and she kept killing me and i didnt want to play anymore#and then we sold the xbox. so that was that.#so. there.#resident evil#scary game squad
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if you dont believe in spirituality and clairvoyance and all that just skippp
so i know it sounds crazy, but i already told my therapist, so idc anymore but does anyone know ANYTHING about mediums. or anyone to contact to help me figure this out. ive been going through a lot the past year but the one i couldnt talk about that was bothering me the most was that i seem to have some sort of clairvoyant.. ability?? that i have no control over. its just as if the universe wills that i know random things that will occur and they happen.
even my family is noticing that it isnt just me making shit up
#like predicting death and random events#viaualizing something in my head and it becomin real after very SPESIFIC things#its not random as very similar things happen to my maternal great grandmother and my paternal grandmother#its becoming a lot more frequent and i want to know if there is SOME way to control it#i grew up around ghosts and spirits so idk maybe its something to do with that#but idk. my first ever experience with clairvoyance was when i was 8 years old or so. it was the strongest one i ever had#i had a very clear dream of how the entire day would play out#and then it did#and it never happened again until the last year and its so scary man!! i had to quit my job because i was being plagued with visions of#my own death if i stayed#i took it as a sign and it hasnt stopped happening since#but ive been SO scared to talk about it. with ANYONE outside of my family hut yknow#this is my personal blog so#i dont really care if ppl think im crazy anymore cause theres just some things in this world that cant be explained#and im terrified experiencing this alone
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Short extract of that one WIP I've been working on !
TW are mention of death/dead bodies, mention of blood and uh I genuinely don't have the word but like. Disturbing way of thinking
It's 1 am and I have a big test tomorrow so I'm just going to post the cancel fic tonight and hopefully I'll be back to my usual posts tomorrow ! Anon if you recognize your ask expect the full thing in like two days unless I triggered myself too much lol
#Cancel fic go !!!!#'I don't get Clive' I do. And it's ugly and scary and I never want to go back to this place again#But also grief is such an ugly thing and too many people think it's ugly because of like crying or being irritated or stuff#No. Grief is ugly because there is a good chance that you'll end up like that. And it's terrifying and you'll HAVE to fight your way back#Like genuinely the guy who destroyed my life wasn't a politician he wasn't even a bad person. But he still hurt me so bad and I hated him#I'm better btw. This was like years ago and I've healed from it =) But also the memory is still painfully there#I hope no one is upset about the trauma fic it was bound to happen. If you are then I'm genuinely sorry I wish I was better#(Although I'm pretty sure the only person I triggered is me lol)#My writing#TW : mention of blood#tw : mention of death#tw : blood#tw : death
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#this just in: moving to another continent to live and work with complete strangers for six months#incredibly distant from every important person in your life and your supportive community#is in fact. incredibly difficult.#like idk it's hard to describe because it's also been amazingly cool and i'm so thankful i get to do this#and like i can see God's hand in so many things that have happened and are happening#and He's providing what i need in such amazing ways#but also i'm exhausted and really really homesick#and i miss my people#and i miss going to chapel at school#and honestly just attending church in a language i understand#and rn i'm dealing with a crisis at least every day about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life#and long distance dating is really hard and need i reiterate i am exhausted and when i get tired and sad i self isolate. which is unhelpful#and generally i'm in that weird state of being where i genuinely have no clue how to persevere and i feel deeply deeply out of my depth#and also God is just. so present.#tbh i'm terrified that the rest of my life is just going to be Like This#and i'm also terrified that the rest of my life is not going to be Like This#because the last 5ish years have been Like This to varying degrees and i've learned and grown so much and i've come to know God so much mor#but i'm so tired.#and i'm tired of getting up every day and dealing with things that are scary.#but i'm scared of a life where i don't because i'm most scared of stagnating#anyway wow congrats if you made it this far into my venting#on the bright side yesterday i experienced one of the weirder (in a good way) social situations i've ever been in#walked into my language learning partner's mother-in-law's house (who i'd never met before) at 10pm and was instantly given two plates#of beautiful homemade (culturally appropriate dumplings) and a cup of tea#and proceeded to stay for 40min listening to a conversation where i understood about 3 words out of every 50#couldn't have experiences like that if i stayed in my comfort zone could i
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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost
*rant in the tags if y'all want*
#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately#and not a time nor place to cope#I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out#this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist#all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me#which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for#which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now#I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA#but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time#now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning#I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary#all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives#and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life#I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not#but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening#my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me#but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college#I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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hi guys im not dead in a ditch but i definitely will be after how that election turned out…
um anyways. expect part 2 for that kinich oneshot in maybe *checks calendar* 1-2 week’s time depending on my current pacing :’)
also started working on the rough draft for TATT chapter 2 part 2, so hopefully i can have at least half of it done by thanksgiving 🥲👍
#im. terrified to say the least#it’s not looking good for americans rn guys. esp those of us a part of a minority..#saying goodbye to my rights 🥲#the fact that so many ‘coincidental’ things have been happening#like… 20 MILLION VOTES WERENT FUCKING COUNTED#more shit like my own state counting half the blue votes as ‘frauds’ too like… wtf#anyw pls be patient with me it’s such a scary and stressful time rn.#— [ rambles ] ; eydís talks!
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I'm ready to be 30 tbh
I kept thinking I would want to hang onto my late 20s as much as possible; that being in my 30s would be something scary and hard
but getting older has only gotten easier instead. I am more sure about myself. about what I want and who I am and what makes me happy. sure, there is plenty of difficulty, but now I have experience to fall back on when the going gets tough. now I look forward to the next year, wondering what thing I will reclaim from my lost younger years that I didn't get to fully live in.
my 20s are almost done, and I never thought I'd say it, but I'm looking forward to it
#[static]#truthfully I keep forgetting that I'm Not 30 lol still have a few more months#was terrified of turning 30 up until the end of being 28#and then i realized that it's not so bad and that things only get better even if the world is falling apart#You get better and for all of my teen years and early 20s i didnt believe it could happen#getting older seems scary for a lot of us but it really is a cool and wonderful thing#just having some reflective thoughts on this really beautiful fall day#never thought i'd see myself this old tbh was convinced I'd never see past my early 20s#but the years keep coming and they dont stop coming lmao as the wise ones say
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